A Tribute to My Mother
The power and glory of my mom lived in her ability to love unconditionally, to be in relationship, and to find the beauty and good in everyone. She celebrated the lives of those in her circle-cakes and candles at every birthday, always wanting the closeness of family around her. She lived up to the stereotype of the Jewish mother-sacrificing, devoted and ever present.
My children leaned into these qualities as did my brother, and I would imagine her closest of friends, and co-workers. As for my girls, my mom knew their special meals, just the right books for each of them, she knew how to love them for what they each needed, which was often very different. Izzy benefited from lots of cuddles and the tickle monster and Carla from long talks about pre-teenage angst, the challenges of her parents’ divorce and special Netflix shows they watched-my mom always made sure to watch the same shows Carla was and then they would sit, play cards and talk about the details. She parented my girls in the most loving, compassionate and non-judgmental ways from the day they arrived.
While my girls leaned into this power and glory, for me it always felt more complicated. I have spent a ton on time contemplating why that was-at times I felt like I needed something different, it was not that I didn’t want to crawl into her arms every time I saw her, I believe now it was because I was processing how to embrace her approach to life with my own need to lean into my own power.
Even into my early 40’s I was still figuring out what that was. And after much personal work I now understand that my mom and I were very different women but women who nonetheless learned how to see each other for who we were. People talk about how complicated relationships can be between mothers and daughters. And only now do I fully realize why- my mom helped me understand that I needed to do the hard work to see my own power. She helped me understand how loving people unconditionally is complicated and can be messy but it is crucial. I now realize as a fully grown woman myself, the gifts she gave me to be able to figure out these things for myself, in addition to loving others around me so deeply. And she has left me with one final gift-
There is something in me that has shifted since Wednesday at 2am when she passed away, it is a shift of responsibility, of thinking deeply and intentionally about my legacy, about what I inherited, and what my mom has given to all of us. Her deep love, my connection to Judaism, the many layers of being a mother. And with that, I am striving to embody her power and glory of love, generosity of spirit, and patience. I can see now clearly the gifts she left behind for all of us and I also want to live a life where I am vulnerable in my relationships, where I can crawl into the arms of my partner and the circle of friends in my life who have become family. I love you mom and I promise to carry on your legacy of love, generosity and patience.